Busted.

As if going to the gym wasn't bad enough, I came across this douche parking like an asshole before he'd left his car. I strongly considered gently pointing out to him that he was parking it two spots (and I know he went the wrong way in the ramp to get into the spot ... call it woman's intuition). However, he was talking to himself and seemed like a bit of a crazy person, so I decided it wasn't a great idea.

Turns out he was just some douchey meathead who apparently goes to the gym. Awesome.

At least it's not in a handicapped spot?

Last week, I snapped the pictures below on my way into the gym. I was off work, so it was probably late morning. I could check to see which day it was, but shit -- that I'm posting this at all should really be enough, don't you think?

The funny? thing is, the car is parked illegally in a non-parking spot, next to a handicapped spot. And possibly partially in the handicapped spot. So, thanks for trying?

Nice parking job, asshole.

A post that directly involves me. When I came out of the gym this morning, I saw the following sight in the parking ramp.

That's my car, Lady Penelope, on the right (I'd dubbed her "Barbie" before I got her, 'cause she's a gold Malibu, which reminded me of my Malibu Barbie ... get it? Didn't feel right as a name once I got her, though). I couldn't even get in to open it up and put my gym bag in the back seat. I was so fucking pissed. I had to climb across from the passenger side. 

Now, maybe it wasn't fully this dickface's fault. This is the car on the other side of the fuckstick who made me get in the passenger side: 

Dickface Fuckstick Cheesehead left plenty of room for him or herself to get out, which led to the situation that left me irate. You could have just left that space open. I honestly was unsure if I could get out without hitting that car. I had to check to make sure that douchenozzle didn't hit my car on the way into the spot. But no, this asshat had to park in a prime spot because he or she is probably a lazy fuck. I almost didn't park there because I have this weird thing about wanting to be parked so I'm on the way out of wherever I am. So at the Calhoun Square ramp, I like to park on the third floor so I don't have to go up any more to get out. I often like to park on the far side of the third floor, so I'm already pointing down. I'm weird, I know. But it was so early today and the ramp was so empty, I figured "Why not?" And I paid for that.

Before I crawled across from the passenger side, I wrote a note and stuck it under that fuckface's windshield (it says, "Nice parking job, asshole). I also may have opened my door really hard when I got into the driver's seat. I'm not sure I even left a mark, though. Poop.

Calhoun Square.

I often work out at the LA Fitness in Calhoun Square in Uptown Minneapolis. Usually, the people pissing me off there are driving slow or waiting FOREVER for a parking spot or just blocking traffic for no good reason. However, there have been a few especially egregious asshole parking examples.

On the third floor of the ramp, there's a space marked with two bright orange "No Parking Between Signs" placards. Those signs are there to leave an opening so people don't have to go all the way to the top of the ramp to turn around and exit. There was a day not that long ago where not one, but two people (actually three -- when I came back from my workout, a new car had replaced one of the previous asshole parkers), ignored those signs and the "exit" with an arrow sign and parked wherever they damn well pleased because they are clearly BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.

The yellow sign has the "EXIT" message on the other side.

Note that there isn't a parking sign marking on the floor there, either. But that doesn't matter, because red car person is IMPORTANT. Or lazy.

But that's not all! There was this dick face on another day. Yeah, that's how you do it, fuckstick.

Iowans at Rainbow Foods.

Look, I know some of the parking spaces at Rainbow in Uptown are a bit wonky, but not so wonky as to cause someone to do this?

Maybe you need a better angle to see just how badly this douchecanoe parked? Done.

I am not the only person who notices jerks parking poorly.

Our friend Joel spotted this jackass parked in front of the driveway to the alley behind Common Roots Cafe.

My apologies to Joel, and y'all, for holding on to this for more than a week. I've been slacking so much lately. I have a backlog of horrible pictures from work and even one from the gym. I might get to them eventually. I'll try!

It's heartening to know that even though the great melt has begun, people are still parking like douchecanoes. It's always good to know there is blog fodder out there.