Wednesday, November 30, 2011


As if going to the gym wasn't bad enough, I came across this douche parking like an asshole before he'd left his car. I strongly considered gently pointing out to him that he was parking it two spots (and I know he went the wrong way in the ramp to get into the spot ... call it woman's intuition). However, he was talking to himself and seemed like a bit of a crazy person, so I decided it wasn't a great idea.

Turns out he was just some douchey meathead who apparently goes to the gym. Awesome.

Submission -- Haters

This is pretty damn delightful. From James!

There is so much going on in this bad parking it "blew my mind, man"!

In the first picture, someone is parked in the middle of two parking spaces.  Not just "over the line", but almost exactly in the middle of both spaces.  How one gets out of the car and not go, "shit, I can't park.  Let me try again".  Is beyond me.  Then, a truck parks behind the first stupid person.  How they can't see how badly the first person park and then park with the back end of their truck just waiting to get hit makes me just want to hit the truck with my Jeep.

But the part that pushed me over the edge, was the sticker on the first car, "I love Haters".  I don't care what people think of me either, but to park so wrong and not care that everyone knows you are stupid and shouldn't have a drivers licence sent me straight to the bar.

If hating bad parking is wrong, I don't want to be right!


At least it's not in a handicapped spot?

Last week, I snapped the pictures below on my way into the gym. I was off work, so it was probably late morning. I could check to see which day it was, but shit -- that I'm posting this at all should really be enough, don't you think?

The funny? thing is, the car is parked illegally in a non-parking spot, next to a handicapped spot. And possibly partially in the handicapped spot. So, thanks for trying?


So, the new parking system at work has been remarkably awesome. I mean, I see a couple of cars nearly every day parking in the permit area without a permit, but really, it's been awfully sweet.

Unfortunately, I've only seen one of these bad boys. And I never did find out what happened to the car.

The funny thing is, I tried to take a picture of a car with a stick similar to this in the parking ramp after I left the gym tonight. Except it was on the car's back, driver's side ... quarter panel? It was yellow and smaller, too. Alas, the photo was blurry. 

Monday, October 31, 2011

Making the most out of their last opportunity.

Today was the last day of asshole parking at our office building. Didn't seem like anyone was really trying to get a jump start on the new rules today. Take these jackasses, for example:

I mean, I guess I could see that there was a little bit of a change. When I went into the ramp this morning, there was only one car parked where the two cars in the picture above are parked. It's those two cars and two more behind them, and the same thing on the rows you would see if you had been in my car looking out the passenger window.

That's eight cars each day that are going to need to find somewhere else to park every day. I'm concerned it's going to be an epic clusterfuck tomorrow. I should really have just planned to work from home. Then again, I'm working a half day and should be showing up at least a bit earlier than I normally do.

None of us at the office can really see how this new situation is going to work out, but ... well, I guess all I can do is show up and see what happens, right?

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I will park my BMW wherever I damn well please.

I have a nice car, so parking rules do not apply to me when I go to LA Fitness in St. Louis Park.

At least I still have the gym once the parking situation is cleared up at the office.

Youth football assholes.

I can't say I'm surprised to see people parking like assholes at youth football games. Some of these people are real class acts. I mean, am I going to expect the parent or coach of a kid who bites other players to abide by parking rules? No.

This was the first time I managed to get some pictures of the people who park like there is no such thing as a parking spot at Eagle Ridge ... junior high? In Savage. You say sidewalks are for pedestrians? This guy says "Fuck you."

What about grass? Is that a parking spot? Not if you're a mega-douche with a bright-ass yellow SUV.

Sadly, that was my nephew's last football game of the season. The parents don't seem to park as poorly at basketball games, but I still have hope.

My goldmine might be ending.

As of November 1, the management company that runs our office building will have new parking procedures. We all got parking permits on Friday. I really hope I remember to use mine. Given my obsession with people parking like assholes, though, it shouldn't be all that tough to remember.

There will allegedly be more permit spots than permits, so we should never have to worry that we will have no option, since our overflow lot is gone. They will allegedly be tough on parking scofflaws, with a towing company patrolling the lots/ramps to haul away the following:

So that means douches like these people, parking in the fire lanes, will get their asses towed. I wonder if they're going to ease into it, or just tow the fuck out of all the idiots who think the rules do not apply to them.

I wonder how they'll deal with asshats like the the guy in the picture below. He's not taking up two spots in the traditional sense. He's clearly in his spot properly. However, he has parked his big-ass motherfucking truck in a "compact only" space, which means no one can park in that other "compact only" spot.

It's too bad I'm only working a half day on Tuesday. I was considering just taking a lawn chair out to watch all of the towing.

Repeat offender.

There is an especially dickish parking-in-a-non-parking-spot repeat offender at the office building. This particular fuckstick has been at it for at least a couple of weeks. There have been occasions where I wonder if it is indeed the same car. Then I realized I had all these pictures with the license plate in them ... mystery solved.

This picture is from Friday.

This picture is from October 20.

In this post from October 18, I complained about the Malibu douche parking crooked in the fire lane.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Messin' everybody up.

One of the worst things about people who park like assholes is the chain reaction this causes. It messes at least one other person up (often many, many more), as can be seen in this submission from Darrell, taken in a parking ramp in St. Louis Park.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What is the plural of "Lexus?"

Because there was not one Lexus, but two, parking in a clearly-marked non-parking area at the gym tonight. But, you know, they have nice cars and are clearly better than everyone else, so the rules do not apply to them.

I'm going to need to get a new wireless router.

Because if this shit is starting now, the rest of the year is going to be a nightmare.

Might as well park crooked if you're going to park in a spot that isn't a parking spot.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Oh, Iowa. You, too?

A submission from Shawna:

"Found one for ya in Des Moines, IA....guess they park like douche canoes, too!!!" 

Christ, and it's not like those spaces aren't enormous. But noooooo. You've gotta park in two spots -- crookedly, I might add -- because you're an idiot. At least the lot doesn't seem to be crowded? 

Thanks, Shawna! 

Can't help but feel I'm missing a post out there ...

E-mail from the management company:

Subject: URGENT!!!! Vehicle Needs To Be Moved Immediately!
The following vehicle needs to be moved immediately:

Silver Volkswagen Jetta
License Plate:  9XX XXX

It is parked on the 2nd level of the 2 level ramp in the back of the property, South side.

Thank you!

My guess is they have someone blocked in because THEY ARE CLEARLY MORE IMPORTANT. And of course, if you get here after all the parking is gone, blocking someone who arrived to the office far earlier than you did surely wouldn't mean they'd want to leave work before you.

Christ. It's only October. The next couple of months here are going to be a nightmare, parking-wise. Probably a nightmare other-things-wise, too. Yay.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Nice parking job, asshole.

A post that directly involves me. When I came out of the gym this morning, I saw the following sight in the parking ramp.

That's my car, Lady Penelope, on the right (I'd dubbed her "Barbie" before I got her, 'cause she's a gold Malibu, which reminded me of my Malibu Barbie ... get it? Didn't feel right as a name once I got her, though). I couldn't even get in to open it up and put my gym bag in the back seat. I was so fucking pissed. I had to climb across from the passenger side. 

Now, maybe it wasn't fully this dickface's fault. This is the car on the other side of the fuckstick who made me get in the passenger side: 

Dickface Fuckstick Cheesehead left plenty of room for him or herself to get out, which led to the situation that left me irate. You could have just left that space open. I honestly was unsure if I could get out without hitting that car. I had to check to make sure that douchenozzle didn't hit my car on the way into the spot. But no, this asshat had to park in a prime spot because he or she is probably a lazy fuck. I almost didn't park there because I have this weird thing about wanting to be parked so I'm on the way out of wherever I am. So at the Calhoun Square ramp, I like to park on the third floor so I don't have to go up any more to get out. I often like to park on the far side of the third floor, so I'm already pointing down. I'm weird, I know. But it was so early today and the ramp was so empty, I figured "Why not?" And I paid for that.

Before I crawled across from the passenger side, I wrote a note and stuck it under that fuckface's windshield (it says, "Nice parking job, asshole). I also may have opened my door really hard when I got into the driver's seat. I'm not sure I even left a mark, though. Poop.


A second submission from James:

But there are somethings they cut back on to save you money.  I would never recommend using the bathroom. EVER!  They seem to only have signs for handicap parking.  They don't have symbols painted on the ground.  So, I understand your confusion.  One would think that if the second and third spots are handicap parking, so would the very first spot.  I rush to get into the store too, so I see why you don't care you drove down the wrong way of the parking lot and parked straight in a diagonal spot.
Anyway, we all know if you get into an accident in a private parking lot everyone is at fault.  That's why I never stop at the stop signs.  DAMN THE MAN!

More submissions!

Okay, I really thought my phone had this blog e-mail address. Apparently that is not the case, because I have just now found two e-mails from James. I'm so very sorry I'm just getting these posted now, James. Can you ever forgive me? I'll even do two posts for you.

James included this with his photo:

I get it.  I really do.  This summer has kicked my ass too!  It's Hot AND Humid.  This grocery store has no motorcycle parking.  Life sucks.  I know! It feels like everything is against you!
That's why I understood when you parked in the area that is marked off for the handicapped driver to get out of their vehicle.  Remember I know it's hot and that's probably why you're riding a motorcycle. 

It could also be why I see tons of people leave their car running and the A/C on.  It's the only reason I have that you left your motorcycle running!
Yes, it really was running and no one was around!

The culprit:

Thanks, James!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

That's clearly legal.

Last night, The Boy I Currently Like and I were going to pick up our dinner from Lulu's. On our way into the deli, we saw this delight. I took the pictures on the way back to the car, though.

You will note in the photo above that the car is parked going the wrong direction, very far away from the curb and halfway into the driveway.

Seriously, dude. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. (Close-up view.)

Calhoun Square.

I often work out at the LA Fitness in Calhoun Square in Uptown Minneapolis. Usually, the people pissing me off there are driving slow or waiting FOREVER for a parking spot or just blocking traffic for no good reason. However, there have been a few especially egregious asshole parking examples.

On the third floor of the ramp, there's a space marked with two bright orange "No Parking Between Signs" placards. Those signs are there to leave an opening so people don't have to go all the way to the top of the ramp to turn around and exit. There was a day not that long ago where not one, but two people (actually three -- when I came back from my workout, a new car had replaced one of the previous asshole parkers), ignored those signs and the "exit" with an arrow sign and parked wherever they damn well pleased because they are clearly BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.

The yellow sign has the "EXIT" message on the other side.

Note that there isn't a parking sign marking on the floor there, either. But that doesn't matter, because red car person is IMPORTANT. Or lazy.

But that's not all! There was this dick face on another day. Yeah, that's how you do it, fuckstick.

Iowans at Rainbow Foods.

Look, I know some of the parking spaces at Rainbow in Uptown are a bit wonky, but not so wonky as to cause someone to do this?

Maybe you need a better angle to see just how badly this douchecanoe parked? Done.

Don't think my absence means there aren't assholes out there.

Terribly sorry for being away for so long. I've got a few pictures from the past few months that I need to post, and I will be doing so shortly.

The parking situation at the office is getting worse and worse every day, but I've not had a great opportunity to get good pictures. I'll be working on that.

In the mean time ...

Monday, June 6, 2011

A lack of snow won't stop them.

The people at work just can't stop parking poorly, snow or not. Take this Rock Star, parking his or her Ford ... Fusion or Focus, I can't remember, in two spots:

I'm not sure how long it went on, but a day or two after I noticed the jerkwad above, I saw this:

Too bad, sucker. Now your fancy Ford could get a door ding. Or you'll not feel like a baller or whatever the fuck it was that made you do something so dumb.

What is it with Southdale?

Okay, so it's the mall I frequent most often (despite working across the street from the Mall of America ... I only go there if I must or if the planets align for a quick trip when it likely won't be busy). That's probably the reason for my seeing jerk parkers there so often.

Last weekend, I saw this car:

How do you not realize you've parked half a car length out into the driving lane? You see the car next to you. You must see where you are when you exit the car and walk to the mall. I mean how can anyone be that oblivious?

If your depth perception is that bad, I'm guessing you shouldn't be driving. Yet, here you are, fucking shit up for the rest of us.

I really need to get those stickers made.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Awash in asshole parkers at the gym.

I'm not sure what the reason was tonight, but man, people were parking in non-parking spots at the gym tonight. The gym has been oddly crowded this week. I'm really waiting for these jackasses to give up on their New Year's Resolutions, but that's a rant for the other blog.

Without further ado, the jerks at my gym, parking in non-parking spots tonight.

How does that happen?

Another submission from Shawna. I'm woefully late in getting it posted, but that's because I suck. She said this is in the parking lot at O'Reilly Auto Parts in Elk River.

It's fairly mindboggling. Thanks for sending it in, Shawna!