Other car-related shenanigans.

Sure, it's called That's not a parking spot, asshole, but how could I possibly stick to just parking-related assholery? There's so much more out there. Take this fellow, who left Hennepin-Lake Liquors and turned the wrong way onto a one-way street.

You should really have a sober driver if you're going to the liquor store after drinking. Or shit, just call Hums. They deliver.

Getting them in early.

I was only at work for about 45 minutes this morning. I had to come back home because I couldn't open the files I worked on all weekend and then sent in a zip file to my work e-mail. AWESOME.

But just because I was only there for a bit didn't mean I couldn't find an asshole parking like a douchebag. It was inevitable, what with the foot-plus of snow that fell Sunday and Monday. Of course, even if you could see some of the lines indicating this was not a parking spot, this fine citizen said, "Fuck it. I'm parking there."

Saturday parking jerks.

I unfortunately had to go to the mall today. But the trip gave me a chance to catch an asshole in the Southdale lot, outside of Macy's. How do you not know you parked like this? What makes you think you should leave your ass end hanging out into the driving lane? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Fucking rich-ass, entitled motherfuckers thinking they're better than everyone else (it's a Mercedes, y'all).

The view as I came back to my properly parked car:

Later, I was walking home from a visit to Uptown. I went to Penzeys for some herbs, almond extract and dutch process cocoa. Then I met my friend, Law Talkin' Gal at MAC so I could buy a buttload of new makeup. We then went to the Independent for a little happy hour. I hit Rainbow for some additional baking supplies (might get snowed in tomorrow and I need something to do if that happens), and when I was close to home, I came across this (blurry, horrible picture -- apologies, but I had a heavy grocery bag and it was fucking cold): two vehicles not in parking spots, and one of them blocking the goddamn sidewalk. It was less trouble getting around that shitty Suzuki Sidekick, though, than it was crossing the several glare ice sections of sidewalk on the walk home.

Backlog of work parking douches.

They are generally repeat offenders, too. The worst of them all is this jerk.

Here he or she is on another day.

Then there's this assbag, who clearly needs to take up two spots. I mean, god forbid someone ding your sweet-ass minivan!

Finally, there is this dude, who I'm pretty sure has been featured here in the few weeks we've been in existence. There's something of a happy ending here, though. I took this picture when I got into the office around 9:00. I had no problem getting a parking spot in the ramp. There was an entire floor available, for fuck's sake. But this douche needed to create a spot that was all his own. I came out of a meeting three hours later and my coworker pointed out that there was a note on his window. It was on very brightly colored paper -- the guy came out while we were watching and he didn't remove it. He took a picture of it and moved his car into an actual parking spot. Of course, he couldn't park properly in that spot. He was all angled and shit. Seriously, dude? What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm not sure what happened to him. He moved the car while I wasn't paying attention. Shitass motherfucker.

My office complex is a goldmine of parking douchecanoes.

When I first mentioned the idea for this blog, I nearly said, "Between work and the gym, I've got three posts a day." I probably meant to exaggerate a bit, but it's turning out to be almost true. The gym has been okay this week, but as soon as we get some snow, I bet that will change.

Work, though, has proved to be exactly what I figured it would be. I left late today, but still managed to catch this asshat, parking in a non-parking spot. What do you think those extra white lines mean?

As it turns out, this winner at life was back in his or her spot again today, but when I left work it was a whopping 0 degrees with a windchill in the neighborhood of -something. It's -19 right now. So, I didn't want to take my mitten off and roll down my window. But it's supposed to warm up later this week, so I'm sure I'll catch him or her again.

A two-for-one, how delightful.

I'm sure you're as shocked as I am that I'd find more people parking like assholes at work. I came home from the office and have been working since, so I'm really not up to much commentary, aside from "These people suck big, hairy donkey balls."

Douche No. 1, parking in a spot he or she made up. It's actually in the driving lane, because, people certainly don't need space to maneuver their cars with all that snow, or anything. Dick.

Douche No. 2, parking in the same spot as a previous offender.

It's our first submission!

This submission comes from our friend Darrell (I'm really enjoying using the royal we, for some reason). His story: 


I took the picture November 2009 in the parking lot across the street from the MOA (Mall of America) parking ramp, it was really busy that day so parking was a nightmare (Black friday maybe) I was walking towards the mall and saw this D-bag taking 2 spots in the front row so his Mustang didn't get dinged. Everybody walking past his car had to do a double take when they saw that!


And here's your asshole:

Nice work, jackass. And thanks for the contribution, Darrell! 

This is the douche that drove me to starting this blog.

At least, I'm pretty sure this is the douche. I'd say at least once a week I see this jackass parking in the same spot, but sometimes on the third floor of the ramp as opposed to the second. 

This spot doesn't have nearly as much snow over it as the previous entry does. So, there is even less of an excuse. But there is no excuse for even the previous dickface.

Sorry for the blurry pictures. I was heading to my car to head home and I was kind of in a hurry. 

That didn't take long.

The morning after I created the blog, I got my first entry. Hooray?

I took this photo on my way from the parking ramp into the office where I work in Bloomington. I considered taking a photo of the smokers standing within inches of the sign that says "Smoking prohibited within 25 feet of building entrances," but "This isn't the smoking section, assholes," is another blog entirely.

How do you like my sweet artwork, blacking out the license plate number? I'm talented, yo!

This is a perfect example of people apparently thinking that since the lines indicating that is not a parking spot aren't fully visible, they have every right to park in front of (and quite frankly on top of) the sidewalk where the rest of us have to walk to get into our offices.

Congratulations, black Pathfinder driver. You are the first entry in That's not a parking spot, asshole. You suck.

It's winter in Minneapolis, and that means people are parking like assholes.

Or, parking like assholes slightly more than they usually do on any given day. It's like these inconsiderate jerk drivers think that since there's some snow on the ground and parking lines aren't perfectly clear, they can park where they want, other people and traffic flow be damned.

I hope this can be a place for you to submit pictures of people parking like assholes, to get some tiny manner of revenge and relief from the stress they cause you.